Once finally being sensible and going to the doctor it quickly took a not very sensible turn when, against the doctor's advice, I opted not to take anti-depressants. I was convinced that this wasn't an illness, my body was working just fine I was just weak and had to triumph over it myself.
A truly ridiculous notion in hindsight. That is not how depression works.
I humoured the doctor by at least trying natural remedies. In this case St John's Wort: basically a placebo. And definitely didn't do a thing.
So after being smart and seeking professional help I quickly ruined it, ignored it, and entered a spiral crusade to make my own "happiness." Needless to say a crusade with no end in existence.
For those of you who haven't experienced mental health issues like depression here's the basic rundown. The chemical in your brain that is used to make you feel happiness/joy doesn't produce properly, so you can do whatever you want to try and find happiness but without that chemical you're fighting a losing battle.
Proceeding with this lack of knowledge I began to pursue any avenue that I believed would bring me happiness. And thus begun the spiral of stupid and impulsive mistakes.
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